Sunday, January 2, 2011

Taking a step back

One of my biggest problems is the complete inability to take a step back and NOT think about something that's bothering me. I would think, with the holiday insanity and the 18-hour drives finally behind me, I would be able to sit back, relax, and get some writing finished. But no, that's just not an option, because I can't stop thinking about N2N. Not just in a "Hmm, I should write x and y and z," kind of way, either. The thoughts are toxic. "I HAVE to change x and y and z or a, b and c won't make sense! But then if I change xyz, I have to go back through chapters 1-4 and change efg! Oh! And I should change it to third-person POV too, because I feel like the  first-person narration is clunky. BUT THE STORY IS COMING IN FIRST PERSON WHAT DO I DO. I SHOULD JUST GO FIND A BOX TO LIVE IN BECAUSE I WILL NEVER ACCOMPLISH ANYTHING. FUUUUUUUU-"

And then I close Word and go curl up in the nerd cave for a few hours and try not to cry. Or I go take a shower, because for some reason that's my coping mechanism of choice.

Bad news, buddies: that's where I am now. With all of the time I've been devoting to N2N, I discovered last night that I just have zero brain-juice left for it. None. The brain-juice is gone, replaced by a bitter, gelatinous goo that just refuses to cooperate. I spent an hour staring at the screen last night, trying everything I could think of to get the writing process going - music, no music, TV for background noise, no background noise, and tons of other little things - when I realized that this kind of block has been in place for more than a week now; I've just been able to deny it because I've been so busy.

While this is awful, horrible, terrible, no good, very bad news, there is a silver lining: at this stage, I ALWAYS get tons of ideas for new books, as if my brain is trying to win back some favor by showing me that it is, in fact, operational and still capable of great things. It gives off this great "Please don't lobotomize me in your fits of frustration!" vibe, and in the last day or two it's thrown two or three really good ideas my way.

So, I'm taking a step back from N2N and starting a brand-new project, one that should get off the ground a little faster and give me a chance to stretch my stubby, featherless little third-person POV chicken wings. Maybe a few days of focusing on this new story will work out whatever kinds N2N has twisted itself into inside my head.


  1. Hi, Larissa, nice to "meet" you, and I just had to laugh at your "nerd cave" description--as well as the brain juice. Love it! ;o)

  2. Thanks Carol, nice to meet you too! :D