Stuck

Well, that didn't take long. Here I sit, staring at the screen and completely unable to write a single, coherent sentence. I've been sitting here since, oh, 4:30 this afternoon or so, and while I did take breaks to make dinner and watch an episode of COPS (don't judge me), I think I've managed a whopping hundred or so words since then.

I know exactly what it is. It's self-doubt, and it's got me halfway to crazy. It's that stupid, wheedling voice in the back of my head that has "You'll never succeed in this!" on loop, and at top volume.

That's the exact reason why I haven't told very many people about this little venture of mine, and why I'm keeping this blog on the down-low: I don't want to jinx myself. It doesn't matter how much time or effort I put in, or how well I can write. If I tell more than a handful (I think it's maybe four or five people at this point) of my family or friends, it will crash and burn.

Or maybe I'm just tired. I churned out seven stories at work today, which I think would exhaust anyone's creativity. At this point, I think I'm going to close the laptop and go take a shower.

By the way, that's an AWESOME way to work through writer's block. I can't remember where I read it, but I read somewhere that a shower helps the creative process, because the heat's making the blood vessels in your head expand and improving brain function. I've experienced it firsthand: more than once I've gotten in the shower, only to have an awesome idea that stuck with me. A scene I wrote this week came from inspiration I got during one of my block-induced showers.

When I saw Peter Beagle speak at A-kon (I consider that the turning point for me, when I went from "maybe I could one day do this" to "I will do this, and I will start now") he said that over coming writer's block was a matter of pushing yourself until the words come naturally again. He said not to freak yourself out over one piece, to jump around if need be.

I'm trying to remind myself that breaking the rules, even the rules I heard from him, can result in brilliance.

Don't give up on me yet. I'll get through this. I'm more than 50 pages in; it's too late to stop now.